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Random Bits from the Outside World => General Outdoor Stuff & Camping Equipment => Topic started by: elhombre on April 25, 2017, 09:45:44 AM

Title: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: elhombre on April 25, 2017, 09:45:44 AM
Went to Utah for a spring backpacking trip and had a date with a TSA agent in the airport that I didn't expect. 

Leaving San Antonio, I got flagged by the rotating peep show machine and had to get my underarms physically pat down because the machine said there was an abnormality.   Obviously, my huge guns were showing up on the scanner and required the extra security measure of being patted down by the man in blue.  No big deal, it can be a curse sometimes to be such a fine example of the human form, and I have become use to the extra attention I receive .

Coming back from Vegas wearing the exact same pants and shirt, only thing different is now I am wearing the last clean underwear I have, which are the synthetic ones from Academy.  Pretty much 100% polyester.  My previously worn pair were your run of the mill Fruit of the Loom cotton kind. This time passing through the "hands up, don't shoot" machine, I am told I have an abnormality with my groin area, and must submit to a groin pat down.  Once again, this is not the first time I have heard this phrase spoken to me (this  maybe a little embellishment by the author).  The next thing I know, some dude is moving my junk around with the back of his hand, and I am feeling a little violated.  I ask for a cigarette and explain to him that I am wearing the exact same clothes I got on the plane with last week, with the one exception of my synthetic underwear.  He tells me that the underwear is what the machine can't see through and he has to do these pat downs because of the underwear all the time.  What a great job he must have  :dance:.

Moral of the story:   If you are the kind of guy that can only get some action down there by going through airport security, be sure to wear synthetic underwear.  If having a grown man who is not your doctor adjust your frank and beans is not your idea of an ideal first/last date, then wear cotton undies.  Better yet, get the TSA all-pass and avoid the naked scanner all together.  I think it is $120 or something like that.  I guess this is another example that freedom (not to be sexually assaulted) isn't free.

Exactly how many terrorist attacks have the TSA airport guys stopped?  Oh yea, that's right, zero.  How many videos are out there of TSA workers causing physical and psychological injury feeling up children and the elderly?  Too many to count.
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: Lance on April 25, 2017, 10:56:08 AM
Thanks for the tip! I'll go commando next time I'm at the airport.
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: Jalco on April 25, 2017, 10:57:02 AM
LOL!
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: badknees on April 25, 2017, 12:04:21 PM
Everytime I go through, they do a pat down of my left ankle. Don't have and pins, plates or screws. Never broke any bones. No idea why.
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: Robert on April 25, 2017, 01:36:58 PM
Everytime I go through, they do a pat down of my left ankle. Don't have and pins, plates or screws. Never broke any bones. No idea why.

Not fake news..... :eusa_shhh:
What Analysis of Alien Implants Has Discovered
Experience has shown that, usually, the objects that are supposedly alien implants are metallic.  (http://www.ufoencounters.co.uk/truth-about-alien-implants-human-bodies.html)
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: badknees on April 25, 2017, 02:01:11 PM
Everytime I go through, they do a pat down of my left ankle. Don't have and pins, plates or screws. Never broke any bones. No idea why.

Not fake news..... :eusa_shhh:
What Analysis of Alien Implants Has Discovered
Experience has shown that, usually, the objects that are supposedly alien implants are metallic.  (http://www.ufoencounters.co.uk/truth-about-alien-implants-human-bodies.html)

OH NO! I've been abducted?
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: House Made of Dawn on April 25, 2017, 02:06:01 PM
Everytime I go through, they do a pat down of my left ankle. Don't have and pins, plates or screws. Never broke any bones. No idea why.

Not fake news..... :eusa_shhh:
What Analysis of Alien Implants Has Discovered
Experience has shown that, usually, the objects that are supposedly alien implants are metallic.  (http://www.ufoencounters.co.uk/truth-about-alien-implants-human-bodies.html)

I find this utterly terrifying.

Not the article, but the fact that Robert posted it.   :icon_eek:
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: RichardM on April 25, 2017, 02:15:50 PM
We need a tinfoil hat emoticon. Found this one online: (https://genderdesk.files.wordpress.com/2016/10/tin-foil-hat-emoticon-by-lyle-zapato2.gif)
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: House Made of Dawn on April 25, 2017, 02:25:06 PM
We need a tinfoil hat emoticon. Found this one online: (https://genderdesk.files.wordpress.com/2016/10/tin-foil-hat-emoticon-by-lyle-zapato2.gif)

 :great:

I read all the way to "cow mutilations" until a co-worker finally intervened and dragged me away from the computer.
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: The Scorpion on April 25, 2017, 04:02:57 PM
Funny write up but not a fun experience

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Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: Lance on April 26, 2017, 09:30:06 AM
This post has encouraged me to use the term "frank and beans" more often. Thank you.
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: PacingTheCage on April 26, 2017, 04:49:11 PM
Great story!  Had my left hip replaced last November.  My first airport experience was last month.  Told the TSA officer that I had a hip replacement and had metal in my body.  He waived me over to another guy.  I'm expecting the full pat down.  New guy has me lift my arms and uses the hand held scanner on top of and under my arms then down my torso to my waist.  He looks at me funny and says, "Sir, there's no metal in your body."  I tell him in its my left hip and he tells me I can proceed without further check-up.   Hmmmmmm . . .

On the return flight I was flying out of Newark.  I go through the same routine with TSA there.  When I get to the guy with the wand he asks if I have metal in my body.  I say, "yes, do you want to know what caliber?"  He cracks up laughing and wishes me a great flight!  No wand, no hands.  Phew!
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: GaryF on April 26, 2017, 09:43:10 PM
When I was going through Phoenix Sky Harbor a couple of weeks ago, they were telling us that we didn't have to take our belts off, but that if TSA got a hit on the metal in yours, somebody would be feeling around inside your pants.  I wasn't sure how serious they were, but after a quick glance around at the eager TSA officers, I did the same as everyone else and took the belt off.
Title: Re: Want a TSA groin patdown?? Wear synthetic Underwear
Post by: Casa Grande on April 27, 2017, 06:05:58 AM
After spending 1998 to 2006 jetting around this world from one side to the other and nearly everywhere in between two to three times per week,  I can happily say I've been airport free for the last 11 years.  If I ever get on another airplane again, it will be too soon. 

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